Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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