So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
