Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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