Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
