i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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