the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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