You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
