Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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