I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
