it was like fucking gandolphs beard
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
