It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
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I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
We have so much sex to catch up on
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
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To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
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