my soul wont recognize me after tonight
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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