I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
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Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
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Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today