I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
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Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
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Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.