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• (620): View more from Kansas

  Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?

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• (765): View more from Indiana

  Why are you ignoring all of my texts?

  (1-765): View more from Indiana

  The power was out.

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• (585): View more from New York

  She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.

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• (207): View more from Maine

  Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices

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  These 19 Men’s Fashion Mistakes are Unforgivable, According to Women

  Read it at the TFLN blog
  

• (931): View more from Tennessee

  He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.

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• (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.

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• (225): View more from Louisiana

  Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.

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• (910): View more from North Carolina

  Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.

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• (517): View more from Michigan

  Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time

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  25 Cringeworthy Below the Pants Injuries

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• (817): View more from Texas

  Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.

  (817): View more from Texas

  I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.

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• (573): View more from Missouri

  Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.

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• (206): View more from Washington

  GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE

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• (715): View more from Wisconsin

  I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?

  (1-715): View more from Wisconsin

  I think that about sums it up, actually.

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• (805): View more from California

  I want to eat a stick of butter

  (1-805): View more from California

  Did your pain meds kick in?

  (805): View more from California

  It tastes nice

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• (604): View more from British Columbia

  I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away

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