What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Randomize
