just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
