I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
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We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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