I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
