Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize