We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Randomize
