I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize
