Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
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