im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
