I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Randomize
