3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
