I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
