she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
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