i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Randomize
