There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
