its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
