You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
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