are you so shy because you have an std?
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
