He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
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