If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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