I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Randomize
