oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Your cock deserves a montage
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
