Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
