Heybabeimwearingurpanties
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Randomize
