i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
