apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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