She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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