My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
