Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
