She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Randomize
