the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
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my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
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My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I need to align my fucking chakras
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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