The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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