absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
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Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
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Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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