It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize