I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
MIDGETS
????
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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