Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize