is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
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