I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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