THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
