If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
