how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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