He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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