i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Randomize
