meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
