And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
The chlamydia really affected his face.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Randomize
