He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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