according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
