You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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