Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I would fuck him just for his dog
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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