It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize