it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize