i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
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