How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
My bed smells like the plague
Randomize
