god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
